I Don't Care About Rock And Roll
Don’t
you just love surprises? Just when you thought we had finally disappeared
into the ether, what should happen but a Blyth Power mailout winks into
being. Here we have been lurking all this while, waiting to catch you
unawares – a bit like the Klo Kobbold, that denizen of the Central
European toilet that some far-thinking continental feminists believe is
the subconscious reason gentlemen don’t like to sit down when they
go to the lavatory. We are informed – at least we were once in all
seriousness – that the Klo Kobbold is believed by men to dwell under
the rim, and possesses a pair of sharp shears with which he defly removes
anything that dangles into his domain. We have never met him. We’d
like to.
But this is a pointless digression. What is important is that we are still
here, and you – poor souls – have been pining these long months
past for the answer to the last caption competition. Not only this, but
you have presumably been so bereft of entertainment while awaiting the
next one, that you may have resorted to Soduku, which our beloved leader
currently believes to be second only to badger-watching on the list of
things to be avoided like the plague. Seriously – Sodoku! What’s
that all about? Have people nothing better to do, like watch paint dry,
or take a large piece of bacon out of the fridge and watch it slowly decompose
on the kitchen floor?
Imagine even having so much time on your hands that you had some to spare
to waste on Soduku! Due to an ‘increased portfolio of commitments’
this office has currently revised its priorities to encompass the following,
in this order of importance:
1. Clearing up poo.
2. Clearing up wee.
3. Planning the follow up CD to Fall of Iron, which will be entitled Land
Sea and Sky and will constitute the third and final part of the trilogy.
Lost the threads again now. Anyhow, Sodoku is the Devil’s work,
and we would rather play a Hunt Sab Benefit in Kirkcaldy in January than
even contemplate it.
How about those captions then? Did anyone get them right – apart
from Mr. J. Hilditch of course. It was the Bay City Rollers. But then
you all knew that really. This time round it’s a real stormer. One
of TDL’s childhood faves, and a band who made one of the most striking
LP sleeves ever with their debut. Well we thought so.
No Youth Club No Coffee Bar Saturday Was The Local Cinema Night
Enough of this gay repartee and onto the first major news item. Blyth
Power are going to be performing live! Yes! It’s true. An enterprising
promoter has managed to line the planets up for us in such a way as to
make it possible for the band to place all their offspring in stasis and
charge across the Pennines to perform in that notorious mobile-phone blackspot
known as Bacup.
If this may seem an unlikely place to make what will almost certainly
be the last live appearance this year, then you might care to look back
at the band’s history on the website and you will see that we are
no strangers to Bacup, and had a few pleasant evenings there back in the
mid 1990s. The venue is the Borough Football Club, in the engagingly named
Cowtoot Lane, telephone 01706 872139. Blyth Power will be playing two
sets between 9.00 and midnight, and anyone who doesn’t manage to
make it along will be missing a fine evening of musical entertainment,
and can stop complaining that we never play anywhere anymore.
Oh how we miss the days when we used to play every shack and shed going
on a Tuesday night…
It Seems So Long Those Days Are Gone
Of course we haven’t had a chance to chat since Tallington have
we? Gosh! Well, it was a thoroughly fabulous weekend all round, and everyone
had a splendid time. Full marks to the new management at the Whistle Stop
for handling the whole event so well – especially as they had no
idea what to expect. This year it was even busier than ever, and when
TDL and his sprawling clan arrived early on the Friday afternoon there
was scarcely room for his enormous tent. It really was a shocker, and
its size and opulence are clearly a mark of his current status as Deputy
Editor of such a prestigious publication as Scale Aviation Modeller International
(what do you mean you never heard of it? Smiths sell it, so it must be
hip! It’s a lot more fun than your rotten fanzine!).
Music kicked off early evening and everything went swimmingly. Everyone
rocked. Everyone behaved themselves, and a wild night of acoustic mayhem
(must curb these nights of mayhem) was brought to a close by Steven Cooper’s
chartbound band The Charlies, of whom more anon.
Saturday saw the campsite overflow, but the filth and squalor of our temporary
slum was alleviated by the fine foods available from the beer garden café,
which was open through most of the proceedings. Inevitably the cricket
had to be played in front of the stage, but no one really takes that seriously
– do they?
Blyth played last on the Saturday, as usual, and the weather held out
nicely. Highlight of the weekend was the sudden appearance of hordes of
Britney Spears masks. The tyrant suddenly found himself being stared down
by a host of cardboard Britneys, glowering out of the darkness. He thought
he was in a Greek play. Either that or a flashback to something nasty
in his misspent youth…
The fun continued into Sunday. There was a lot of cake flung, the weather
was nice for the duration and – hurrah! We’re going to be
doing it again next year! Dates arranged with the Whistle Stop are Friday
3rd August to Sunday 5th. The usual stipulations apply to anyone wanting
to play – get your oar in early, as we were fully booked up by this
time last year. Slots will be scarce by the end of this month, but if
you can find the right bribe – currently The Boss is accepting 1/144
Otaki or Revell Lockheed C-5 Galaxy kits in any condition in return for
favours – then success will be certain.
When You're Bored With Anarchy You Will Still be Special To Me
Still on the subject of wild times in the recent past, we’d like to thank the powers that be in Otley for having us back at the festival for what turned out to be a really good evening. Two sets, one in the cricket club and one in the intimacy of Cork’s Wine bar, gave us the chance to play through a whole mess of songs, and those bemused by the not-quite-performance of it at Tallington on the Sunday were pleased to hear Endgame in all its horrible splendour. Keep your eyes peeled for a date in Otley some time in the Summer (2007), as it was touched upon at the time. The offspring should be old enough to work the DVD machine by themselves by then, so we should be getting back into the swing of things – albeit gently, as TDL is now a man aged and worn by the constant need to sing the theme from Thomas and His Friends to Emma the Office Junior.
Never Had A Hope Never Had A Chance But It's Alright
Some of you may have discerned a change to the style of printing on your
mailout envelope. This is part of the reason this current missive is so
tardy. The recent uprooting of our IT Department (Pete) to New Zealand
has necessitated a completely new computer network here at Blyth Towers.
As Pete built the previous one, and designed all the programmes, there
wasn’t a hope of anyone else being able to fathom it in the event
of mishap, so the whole lot has been changed. Imagine the joys of teaching
committed Old Fart Mr Porter to work a new machine. He still thinks in
the ‘old money’ and is barely able to comprehend the microwave,
let alone Deep Thought, so apologies to all if there has been any error,
confusion or oversight this time round. Once we have the hang of Microsoft
Office normal service will be resumed.
Either that or we’ll use the knowledge to get sensible jobs with
proper salaries, and yarbles to the Old Man!
Oh Oh Oh Oh Please Be Kind
So what have we got to sell you these days? We’re pleased to say
that the new CD, Fall of Iron, has been very well received, and plans
are afoot to record the follow-up as soon as possible. Thereafter Mr Porter
claims he wants to seriously re-look at most of the material recorded
prior to On the Viking Station, as there is very little of it that is
not compromised in some way – either by his own ham-fisted studio
foul-ups or the machinations of the industry. No definite plans as yet,
as first of all we want to see the Land Sea and Sky trilogy completed.
What is currently available is a cracking good CD by The Charlies, Blyth
guitarist Steven Cooper’s new band, featuring former bassist Bambi,
Trina from Eastfield, and our own Mr Porter as drummer. You can now purchase
the fab hot waxing CD Life In The Shallow End from us here at Blyth HQ.
Just send £5 to the usual address.
Down
Your Face Your Legs Your Dress And Your Shoes - Sick On You
(Madame Chairman’s
Thoughts)
Madame Chairman Meeow would like to register her objections to the reckless distribution of Noddy stickers in return for members of the community not going to the toilet on the carpets. This, she regards, as little short of blackmail. She never received a thing for her efforts in the toilet training department, and consequently considers herself owed a considerable quantity. In the interests of equanimity, however, she would be prepared to refrain from fouling the landing in return for a Teletubbies comic.