So that was the war, over and done with, and no longer on the telly providing convenient things to chat about and pad out our copy with. Fortunately Big Brother is on now instead, so for Sadam read Frederico, and let’s all gather in front of the TV at the appointed time for the five minute hate as usual. All except TDL that is. The perennially unfashionable one has acquired a set of Iraq’s Most Wanted playing cards, and now spends hours alone in his room trying to memorise them all just in case one of the fugitives appears at a Blyth gig somewhere, and he can turn them in to the security forces for a fat reward. Stranger things have happened. Roy Chubby Brown turned up at Maguires in Bradford once, and last time Himself played The Grove in Leeds with Mr Jeays and The Speechpainter the proceedings were graced by no less a figure than the chap who used to play Eddie Yates. TDL was impressed, although he’s have preferred Bob Cryer. Just goes to show, though. The band may not attract all the crowned heads of Europe, but they are getting there.
Hats off, by the way, to all those who correctly identified last issue’s caption competition. It was, of course, Crass Records stars The Poison Girls. There – you’re kicking yourselves now aren’t you? You knew it all along really. Those of you as old as some current band members (well one at least) will recall Blyth playing with them in the distant past. Oh the great days of our misspent youth etc. etc.
This time we’ve opted for something that even the most culturally bereft among you should be able to identify. Don’t say we don’t pander to your needs…
Don't
Forget The Songs That Made You Smile
The single most asked question in the Blyth showroom at the moment is
‘When can we expect the new recording of Castle Cary?’ To
which the logical answer is ‘When it’s finished.’ However,
as this is not an immediate prospect, the firm has decided to fill you
in on the details of the project, the better to assuage your suspicions.
Yes, it really is under way – it’s not just a made up bit
of exciting news to make it look like something is happening…
The deal is thus: Blyth are recording the songs at Reading University
in an extremely good studio, using a mixing desk donated by the late Gus
Dudgeon, a producer whose name will need no introduction to those of you
who have correctly identified every caption competition to date (Mr J.
Hilditch). The studio is fully equipped with everything the heart could
desire, and is being provided free of charge on the basis that the students
get to come in and twiddle the knobs during the sessions. What this basically
means is that the band will end up with a first class recording which
will cost them next to nothing, but that can only be done when the studio
and associated personnel are available. As things stand, the bass, drums,
guide tracks, and most of the guitar are complete, with further sessions
scheduled for July. Rest assured it will be worth the wait when it finally
appears.
Still without a title, the recording does now have some putative artwork,
which may or may not assume an equestrian theme in anticipation of the
band’s twentieth anniversary next year. Keep watching this space.
Where There's Music And There's People
What? What? We can only be referring to Tallington. This issue’s
big news is, of course, the upcoming third annual cricket and trainspotting
event at The Whistle Stop, which this year will be taking place on the
weekend of July 25th-27th. Surely we’ve blathered on enough about
this now? Well just in case not, then here is a rundown of what we intend
to happen this year.
The event will kick off around teatime on the Friday, with the arrival
on site of Blyth Power and their shabby pile of equipment. Tents will
be erected and stakes claimed. By the time the shadows begin to lengthen
it is hoped that enough people will have foregathered to kick off a gentle
evening of lilting folk song. Basically acoustic sessions from anyone
willing who has turned up in time. Last year we were serenaded by, among
others, Mr Jessi Adams, Mr Chris Butler, Mr Steven Cooper and even Mr
Joseph Porter, who is planning a new chord especially for the occasion.
Acoustic artists anticipated at this year’s event include Mr John
Forrester, Mr Wob Williams, Mr Henry Lawrence, Mr Gob Dylan and others,
although whether or not they all turn up is in the hands of the Gods.
Needless to say the Lady Mayoress of Tallington, Miss Rachel Pantechnicon,
will be present over the weekend, and we are sure a dizzying galaxy of
unexpected stars will also show up. It has already been demonstrated that
the great and the good are unable to keep away from Blyth dates. Maybe
Bernard Manning will put in a cameo appearance?
Friday will end at 23.00 up on the campsite where your hosts – Blyth
Power that is – will be burning assorted lumps of flesh and vegetable
matter on a couple of barbecues, we recommend that everyone else does
likewise, and we will scorch a new hole in the ozone layer with our noisome
offerings. Last year the only person who got poisoned was Curly’s
dog. Honest. PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL THE MOST INTERESTING FREIGHT AND MAIL
TRAINS RUN ON THE FRIDAY NIGHT, SO REVELLERS ARE ADVISED TO COME DOWN
EARLY OR MISS ALL THE PUMPING HOT TRACTION ACTION.
Enter Saturday 26th. There will be an untidy and spasmodic shambling around
in the morning. From the Blyth encampment, those survivors of TDL’s
cuisine (sausages black and charred on the outside, liquid on the inside)
will drag themselves painfully from their tents and attempt a querulous
bowel movement. There will be a special mention in despatches for anyone
braving the open-air privy on the back of the outhouse. Photographic evidence
will be required. Music is expected to kick off around noon, with bands
on until 2.30, at which point there will be a break for the cricket.
In previous years the outcome of the cricket match has depended on the
toss of the coin. Basically whoever has to bat first loses, as all the
late arriving partygoers turn up wanting to have a go and bat for the
other side. This has got to stop! When the Bishopstortfordonions are beaten
this year, they will be beaten fair and square. This means that anyone
wanting to join in the cricket must be on site by 14.30 on the Saturday
afternoon, fired up and ready for anything. This way, we end up with two
teams of equal strength. It doesn’t matter how many there are on
each side, just so long as there is no repeat of last year’s disgraceful
exhibition, in which the winning team triumphed with seventeen wickets
in hand. Silly hats will be provided…
Music will recommence after the cricket. Five o’clock at the latest,
as this year there are lots and lots of bands all wanting to play, so
stage management will be rigorous. Music has to end at 23.00 again, after
which it will be back up to the campsite to burn more flesh and poison
more vegans with pretend veggi burgers that have been steeped in lard.
Oops.
Sunday morning, and this year there will be music again, but not before
lunchtime. Not sure what or who, but the management will attempt to make
it worth waiting around for. Those on the committee who have sampled the
dreadful offal served up by Joseph ‘Kitchen’ Porter the night
before will not want to be out of their beds before the following Tuesday,
but we will undertake to get things rolling before Hollyoaks finishes.
There will probably be an early morning expedition to Peterborough to
bunk round the engine sheds, but that is optional.
One or two things to bear in mind. Please make sure you see Pete, the
landlord, and pay him for pitches on the campsite. Basically, the more
he makes over the weekend, the more likely he is to allow us to come back
and upset his regulars next year, so if everyone is as courteous and profligate
as last year he should be happy. Please leave vehicles off the campsite.
Put them back in the car park after you’ve unloaded as it leaves
more room for the cricket, and means your fine automobile is less likely
to have balls bouncing off its paintwork (unless it’s behind the
wicket when Chris’ team are bowling). To book your pitch in advance
call The Whistle Stop on 01780 740557
That’s about it. Remember, admission is free, by all accounts the
beer is good, and the trains are plentiful. See you there.
Fame Fame Fatal Fame
As if boasting on their own website about their trainspotting and cricketing
prowess wasn’t enough, Blyth Power have managed to blunder into
a wider medium a couple of times of late. Last year at Tallington one
Iain Aitch was present to make notes on the habits of English gricers.
The upshot of this is a book, entitled A Fête Worse Than Death,
which celebrates the eccentricities of English Summer pastimes and reports
among other things, upon the delights of trainspotting, cricket, planespotting,
and various other bizarre and unwholesome things which even the kind of
weirdoes who frequent Blyth Power concerts would probably think twice
about. An offshoot of this is an article in Virgin Trains’ Hotline
magazine on the Tallington Ashes, which boasts a cracking picture of Swag
at the crease. Those interested will find the piece on page 46 of the
current Summer 2003 edition of the magazine in any Virgin Express train
throughout June July and August.
The current trend for banning trainspotters from railway premises as security
risks has also seen TDL invited to comment in the press. Turning into
a kind of trainspotter’s version of Comical Ali, Mr Porter’s
latest pearls appear in The Big Issue In The North, the edition on sale
week commencing Saturday June 7th. This follows his earlier comments in
RMT News back in January, under the byline ‘Militant Trainspotter.’
So I Checked All The Registered Historical Facts
With all this space-filling gubbins about the Tallington event going on,
there is precious little room to thank all those who have aided and abetted
the band at live shows over the preceding months. Thanks especially to
everyone who turned out for Rochester Sweeps this year. Yes, the band
DID play this time. Taunton was a notable occasion too, not least for
the following morning, Easter Sunday, which saw TDL playing the Easter
Bunny to some children who deserved better. Ne’er was bunny more
loathsome of aspect, nor did it ever pinch so much of the chocolate. The
Glastonwake Beer Festival was a rousing success. This year taking place
at Shoreham Airport, it was a masterpiece of planning and logistics, and
there were some jolly fine planes there as well. We all rate the new venue
much better than the Southwick Barn, as it’s fag-friendly and not
nearly so far up its own backside. There are plenty more wild nights out
to come too, with Doncaster Beer Festival just around the corner, a return
visit to Skye in the pipeline, not to mention an impending European hike
in the autumn. Keep watching this space. You know it makes sense.
Rose Counts The Money In The Cannister
Time then to turn our minds to the latest news from the Blyth Power stock
cupboard. Since we clearly don’t have any Castle Cary CDs to flog
you at the moment, it looks like we’ll have to fall back on the
usual ploy of pretending we’re about to run out of something to
excite your interest.
Actually, we are very close to the end of supplies of Out From Under The
King, and as this is one of the best of the older releases we urge all
those without to grab one while you can. Gone from stock are both Pont
Au Dessus De La Brue and the Bricklayer’s Arms T-shirts, and the
Paradise Razed cassettes are now down to the last three. About time too.
The new vinyl offer has been an unqualified success, and the dratted stuff
is practically walking out of the stockbox, so don’t forget to bring
three measly little pound coins with you next time you come and see the
band and you can go home with three whole records!
TDL keeps swearing blind that his next solo recording is creeping closer,
following a rather fine job done on a demo CD by Mr Ryan Shirlow, of Bloody
Mary’s fame. The recording turned out so well that Mr Porter now
thinks he knows how to play a guitar, when in reality Ryan probably re-did
it all as soon as he was out of the room. Pish and tush.
Of course, if you weren’t too mean to get a computer you’d
know all this already? Those persistent Luddites among you are reminded
that the Blyth Power website is a massive comprehensive swollen thing.
It features stories, news updates, lies, scandal, heaps of pictures, a
database of all the gigs the band ever played, lyrics to all Blyth songs,
including those yet unreleased, and much more besides. Basically, if you’re
still getting the postal mailout, but have internet access, then let us
know, and we’ll switch you to the e-mail database. If you don’t
have Internet access, then rest assured, the Blyth website is a good reason
for getting it.
Madame Chairman would like to thank all readers for the letters of protest received following her exclusion from the last edition of this mailout. She was profoundly moved by your obvious support, which has enabled her to lobby for a reduction in font in the previous paragraphs in order to make room for her sweeping wisdoms.
I’m Spellbound But A Woman Divides
(Lines written on the resignation of Clare Short)
Tears
bitter
Bloom
And lie
Like Federico
In the diary
Room