Push The Button Activate You’ve Got To Work You’re Late
What? Is it morning already? Imagine our surprise when the glorious festival
of inertia that constitutes Christmas and New Year in the Blyth camp was
obliged to grind to a crashing halt and we had to actually get up and
do something. TDL was so shocked by the impending start of a new term,
that he faked a mysterious illness, which confined him to bed for a further
two days. Thus, the malingerer failed to oversee the production of this
mailout, which is, in consequence, a week late. The selectively debilitating
malady he claimed to be in the grip of prevented him from writing, telephoning,
e-mailing, or doing anything other than rummaging through the many fine
Airfix kits which found their way into his possession over the holiday,
which meant the incompetent student temps had to be retained for an extra
couple of days – at time and a half – so we would like to
apologise here in advance for any problems their inability to grasp even
the most basic fundamentals of office management may have caused.
TDL is now up, although only just, and is issuing edicts from a wicker
bath chair while attempting to disengage glue-encrusted pieces of Blackburn
Skua from the tartan rug tucked about his knees. In between slurps of
cocoa and thin gruel he has informed this office that the winner of last
editions caption competition was a Mr A. Adams of Yate, who correctly
identified the lyrics of our own beloved Eastfield. Let’s see how
you get on with this one…
One final note before we launch into the customary paean of self-adulation,
bluster and lies. If your friends and neighbours have not received this
mailout, then tell them they should have renewed, just like we told them
to in the last one. Onwards
I Know That My Life Makes You Nervous But I Tell You I Can’t
Live In Service
So, what’s on the agenda for this year? 2002 was hampered somewhat
by the after effects of some of the bizarre projects His Eminence put
into effect in 2001. We are pleased to announce that all this is now behind
us, and from February onwards the band will be travelling the length and
breadth of the country once again, taking the opportunity to revisit some
of their old haunts. Towns like Scunthorpe, Norwich, Leicester, Dorchester
and potentially a host of others are now back on the map, as well as a
number of new venues. Mr Porter will also be dusting off his rusty guitar
and getting out and about by himself with greater frequency, and even
as we speak, the folk club community of the UK are queuing up to book
him for their strange and eclectic gatherings. The hire van companies
of Old Harrogate Town are rubbing their hands together in glee at the
prospect, and new batteries have been bought for the automatic cat feeding
machine in anticipation of ever greater absences from home. This will
no doubt please Madame Chairman Meeow, who all too often last year found
her depredations interrupted by the untimely return of the band from a
mid-week one-off in Dingley Dell. This year we look forward to finding
the shredded remains of pigeons fully congealed on the carpet by the time
we get back, instead of warm and fresh in the paws of their guilty nemesis.
Recordings, new stock, and ever-increasing tracts of verbiage on the website
are on the cards too. Tallington is booked, all the cups are in the cupboard,
and the firm is aiming to be so busy that in the words of one famous explorer
‘we’ll never be home by Christmas.’ For expanded details,
read on…
Through The Heart Of The Camp Swept The News From The Front
The most earth-shatteringly exciting news on the cards at the moment is
the planned re-recording of Guns of Castle Cary. Castle Cary is, of course,
one of the lost Midnight recordings, now owned by Cherry Red Records,
who have generously offered to manufacture them for us at a price. TDL
says (again) he would rather choke on kitten’s puke before he pays
them a bean for a piece of his own work that he was never paid for in
the first place. We would very much like to see him do so. Added to this
outrage is the fact that the CD was recorded in a hurry, by a band that
wasn’t ready, with an engineer who was still learning the ropes,
in a studio that was falling apart due to the impending bankruptcy of
its owner. Sources close to the Junta here say that Mr Porter is rubbing
his hands together with glee at the prospect of making the songs available
again, only this time in a format that doesn’t sound like it’s
being played underwater. Let’s face it, even the most die-hard traditionalist
cannot deny that the production on Castle Cary is simply not up to that
of Alnwick and Tyne or Paradise Razed. Like Karpov and Pastor Skull after
it, Castle Cary suffered from too many cooks in the production stage,
and the end result was a nightmare.
Thanks to the kind auspices of Reading College of Music the band is looking
at the possibility of really doing a good job on it this time. The track
listing will be slightly different. Touch of Harry and Bugles of Company
B will not be featured, as they have since been reallocated to the OMWG
traffic pool (‘Old Man With Guitar’ - obscure trainspotting
reference). Instead the recording will include Stonehaven, which was recorded
initially for inclusion on Castle Cary, but never made it, and In The
Wilderness, which was written at the time, but vetoed by unruly band members
for reasons best known to themselves. Mr Porter is keen to include Stonehaven,
as he’s recorded it four times now and still hasn’t got a
version he’s happy with. Even House of Cards came right in the end.
In the Wilderness is a Robert Graves poem with a tune and a chorus rather
presumptuously added, but as it contains the word ‘Jesus’
in it, it tends to upset people a bit.
Recording is scheduled for April, so watch out for the return of some
of the Castle Cary tracks before then. We’re especially keen to
unleash Knights on Malta, which has never been played live before –
that’s how ready the material was for the original. Omens are looking
good as well. While Guns of Castle Cary was being recorded the first time,
the Gulf war started and we got to watch all those lovely pink Tornadoes
on the telly. Looks like we might be in for a repeat performance of that
one as well then.
They Said Fly To Amsterdam People Laughed The Press Went Mad
So what’s in the pipeline as regards the band’s live work?
The new besuited avaricious agents (we have two!) have been getting their
fingers out and getting things done. One notable date for your diaries
is February 2nd, when Blyth Power will be supporting John Otway’s
Big Band at the Boardwalk in Sheffield. This looks set to be an occasion
of great magnificence, as the Boardwalk has one of the best live sounds
in the country, and is an all round splendid venue. Given the current
supercharged nine-cylinder water-cooled nature of Blyth Power, and the
magnificence of Mr Otway’s band, we recommend this one to all, but
book early as it is probably going to sell out. May sees the band returning
to the Rochester Sweeps Festival. This year, we are assured, they will
actually be playing. Otley Folk Festival is also on the cards this year,
as is Glastonwick (in whatever format it re-emerges), and we are currently
being approached various beer loving trainspotters in connection with
beer festivals and railway open days.
Of noted import is, of course, our own Tallington weekend festival. Dates
for this are 25th, 26th and 27th July, and we aim to make it a real stormer
this year, with music on Friday night, all day Saturday, and a lunchtime
session on the Sunday again before tidying up the campsite and going home
victorious with the Ashes. Plans are afoot for a variety of silly stalls
and sideshows, lots of bands and acoustic type bods, and this year the
cricket will be regulated so the outcome is not dependent upon who wins
the toss. Traditionally, of course, whoever bats second has the benefit
of a couple of dozen late arrivals all turning up and wanting a go. Last
year, Blyth won with seventeen wickets in hand. This year there will be
a definite time set for bullying off, and no latecomers will be able to
join in. Thus we will defeat the Bishop’s Stortfordonions fairly
and squarely, which we did last year anyway, it just looked like a fix
at the time.
Bands so far aiming to be crammed into the programme include all those
who played last year, with the addition of Mr John Forrester, Wob, and
Giga-0.
They Say The Immigrants Steal The Hubcaps Of Respected Gentlemen
So, once more it’s time to take a look into that festering pile
of rancid old t-shirts, broken CD cases, ancient vinyl, and the detritus
of several years of slumbering felines that is known in these parts as
the Glorious Blyth Stock Cupboard. Oh what a cornucopia of delights we
have piled up for you this year. It’s time, then, to take a look
through the arched window at what splendid new items we have in stock:
Obviously we don’t have the new Castle Cary CDs yet, and are unlikely
to before May at the earliest. What we are expecting delivery of very
soon are the much-requested enamel badges which those of you attuned to
the cyber-age can find displayed upon the website. Basically the badge
will be a replica of the locomotive nameplate in black, green or red (or
all three for you dedicated completists). The border and lettering are
in silver, and we should have them any day now. Naturally we are all subject
to the vagaries of seasonal upheaval, but if you want to order them now,
we will despatch them with our customary efficiency as soon as they arrive
at the warehouse. They have been on order for some time now, so should
be with us soon.
Almost completely out of stock now are the Pont Au Dessus compilation
LPs. Thanks to the amazing live vinyl sale, stocks of this item are down
to single figures. The fabulous four-records-for-a-fiver deal will still
be available at gigs as long as supplies last, but if you feel you cannot
live without this venerable artefact, then it is still available mail
order at the usual price. Also down to single numbers are the Paradise
Razed cassettes. I know this format is almost completely redundant in
this day and age, but if you want one then order quickly, as they probably
won’t feature on the next mailout. Finally, the last run of Bricklayer’s
Arms T-shirts is almost sold out. This design will not be reprinted, so
book early to avoid disappointment.
I Won’t Open Letter Bombs For You
Just time for a quick vote of thanks to everyone who sent stamps last
year. Thanks also to the recycling brigade, some of who have even supplied
sticky blank labels to assist in the re-use of materials. If you’re
wondering why your CDs arrive looking like they’ve been opened by
Special Branch, then it’s down to the aforementioned, so keep the
stamps and jiffy bags coming in, and let us all rejoice in the knowledge
that another New Year begins without Blyth Power adding postage and packaging
charges to their mailorders. Anyone in favour of a 10% across the board
price increase?
Move On Up To Dragon Snaps His Tail
(Madame Chairman Meow breaks her lofty silence to deliver a message
of good cheer)
I AM AN ANGRY PASSIONATE SOUL
CRYING OUT IN THIS TORTURED MEDIOCRITY
WHILE FAR AWAY IS CLOSE AT HAND
IN IMAGES OF ELSEWHERE ARISE YE UNGOOD PROLES
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU
TOP
OF PAGE