Tell A Tale Of Cock And Bull
Before proceeding onto the meaty substance of this latest missive - and
oh Lord have we got a lot of news for you this time - we would first like
to thank everyone for the seasonal wishes, cards, presents, and especially
the kind condolences forwarded on the first anniversary of the demise
of our glorious Chairman Meeow. Those of you who attended the parade and
the rally will recall how moving the whole ceremony was over the three
days of mourning. Those who didn't will probably not believe that we had
one. Yah boo and sucks to you if this is the case. The Chairman was a
righteous cat.
But we wouldn't lie to you. Would we? Certainly not about anything so
important as our captions competition, which is naturally the one thing
that has kept you waiting by the post box, and sustained your interest
over the last three months. Last issue it was, of course, the glorious
Spandau Ballet. All those entries received erroneously attributing the
lyrics to Close To the Edge by Yes should be ashamed of themselves on
two counts. Firstly for getting the answer wrong, and secondly for being
aware of the existence of the confounded thing in the first place. This
time we're going to push you to the cutting edge of lyrical genius, so
thinking caps on and the usual no prizes for getting it right, just satisfaction
in the knowledge that you are a person of taste and discretion.
And so onwards into the complex maze of half-truths, innuendo and bold
falsehoods that constitutes this, the first mailout in yet another new
era in the history of Blyth Power.
I HAve A Song To Sing-O
Actually we have twelve. Even as we speak, frantic adjustments and rehearsals
are apace for the new CD recording, which is booked to commence on February
25th. The track list is now confirmed as Mary's Mad Army, House of Cards,
On the Viking Station, Sometimes I Wonder, McCullough and Guinea, Horse
and Away, Rebel Angels, After the Horse Has Bolted, Wintersfiend, Cider
Dreaming Time, To Wallis a Sonnet, and Edward Lay Bare. So far a definite
running order for the CD has not been devised, but in a rare spirit of
democracy TDL has instructed this office to invite suggestions. Anyone
who thinks they have the perfect arrangement of songs please send it in
as we can't make up our minds what the opening track should be. By this
means you, the voter, can not only exert a real influence upon the decision
making here beneath the jackboot, but in the unlikely event that anyone
predicts the final order of all twelve songs, then the first correct one
out of the hat will win a free copy of the new release, with matching
T-shirt. Tricky, of course, as the chances are you won't actually have
heard all of the songs yet, but as this is one of only a handful of deviations
from totalitarianism on offer this year then we advise you to take it.
Just use the first Clash LP as a template and leave the rest to chance.
We will not be consulting you on our position regarding the Euro, education,
or devolution for the County of Somerset, but we may well have a referendum
later in the year on the subject of Herr Von Dobbs' horrid flared trousers
(© in-jokes unlimited 1992).
Despite being nearly overcome with emotion at the David Cassidy documentary
on TV last week, the Blyth OBCs have managed to get the artwork sorted
for the project, and we are pleased to confirm that Lofthouses have agreed
to our usage of their Fisherman's Friends logo on the sleeve. The CD will
be called On The Viking Station and the official release date will be
April 5th. Given the advanced state of preparations, however, we expect
to have it in mid March, so anyone wishing to send in an advance order
for immediate despatch when we get the things, do so now, as this is the
last mailout before we have it in our greasy paws.
The Man We Sought With Anxious Care Had Vanished Into Empty Air
What? Another new guitarist? Yes folks, barely months after the departure
of the man with the nose, we are obliged to announce the departure of
caretaker axeman Gary Miller, who has retired north of the border to pursue
other commitments. Enter then Mr Steven Cooper, a face and name that will
be familiar to many from the past as he was of course the mandolin and
harmonica player from Thanet's finest The Maccabees, whose splendid CD
from long ago we are currently trying to flog to you through this website.
Apart from a large quantity of tattoos, Mr Cooper brings to the band a
capacity for both electric and acoustic guitars, harmonica, mandolin and
backing vocals, plus an inviting stage presence and a command of cockney
rhyming slang hitherto unparalleled outside of the London Borough of Stepney.
This latter he has promised not to exercise in public, but we are nevertheless
pleased to have him aboard and he is currently closeted in as cubicle
somewhere in Norfolk swotting up for February. Hurrah!
As previously mentioned, we know Steven from the days when The Maccabees
were playing with us regularly; some of you may recall they did a couple
of Father Raymond's birthday gigs. Some years ago Steven was the first
name we considered as a replacement for an outgoing axeman (can't remember
which, there have been so many), but we decided not to ask him then, as
we consider it to be the height of bad form to try and poach personnel
from other bands. Imagine how we kicked ourselves when they split up three
months later in any case. Oh well. Better late than never.
So, a new face, a new voice and unfortunately another person in the band
who likes FOOTBALL. This means we have only two trainspotters in the line-up
at the moment. Sources close to TDL hotly deny that Steven has only been
asked to join as the despot has designs on the cartons of mint condition
FROG aircraft kits which Steven claims have lain forlorn in his father's
loft since the early seventies. Sources close to Mr Cooper are equally
hot to deny that he has any interest in the things himself. Mr Porter
believes that hidden amongst this treasure may be a 1/72 scale Westland
Wyvern, for which he would willingly trade his right arm. Critics of his
guitar playing hope that this is the case, and that Mr Cooper takes him
up on the offer.
Night Has
Spread Her Pall Once More
So what of the Mad Dogs and Englishmen trio? TDL has informed this office
that the project has been brought to a conclusion. If you didn't see them
then shame on you, as when they were firing on all cylinders then they
were very good indeed. CDs are still available in limited numbers, featuring
five of Mr Porter's songs, and five of Mr Miller's. We highly recommend
it if you don't already have one (but then we would), and likewise the
commemorative t-shirts advertised elsewhere in this issue.
There are, allegedly, other bands with similar names, so to avoid confusion,
and the disappointment of turning up with a bag of buns to throw at Joseph,
only to find he isn't there, we would ask you to note that the following
are nothing to do with either Blyth Power, TDL or Downwarde Spiral in
any way whatsoever: Mad Jocks and Englishmen; Mad Dogs and Irishmen; Mad
Frogs and Hommes De L'Angleterre; Mad Cranks and Enginemen; Mud Bogs and
Fens, and a whole shed load of others.
While on the subject, apologies to those of you who turned up at the Derby
gig, only to find TDL alone. Thanks to those who came for ensuring a wild
night of rock, and especially to Mr Chris Butler for playing too.
The Song of a Merry Man Moping Mum Whose Soul Was Sad and Whose Glance
Was Glum
So what's on the agenda? Those of you frustrated by the ten thousand cancellations
tour of last November will not be surprised to learn that our Christmas
card list is now shorter. All those promoters who dumped on us over the
last twelve months are cordially invited to insert their heads into that
portion of their anatomies more usually associated with the passage of
solid waste. Special thanks to both The Market Tavern in Birmingham and
The Earlsdon Cottage in Coventry for stitching us up. We won't be going
there again then, we promise. We will be going to a number of places though,
among them The Hope and Anchor, in Islington, London, where Steven will
be doing his first night at the proms on Feb 1st, for which leaflets have
been enclosed to those of you we think might be interested for cheaper
admission. Also one to watch out for is The Victoria in Derby on Feb 21st,
where Chris Butler and General Winter will be joining us. This particular
date is Mr Porter's 40th birthday, so bring plenty of buns to fling at
the ageing one.
With the demise of Mad Dogs, TDL is also out and about alone again, and
one date in particular to watch out for is on Feb 6th, at the Roots Focus
folk club in the Grange Tavern, Ealing. Yes we know it's a Wednesday,
but folk clubs generally are midweek. They are also usually a lot of fun,
so bring along your worst haircut, and scabbiest Icons of Filth T-shirt.
Better still, bring your instruments and do a floor spot. See you all
there.
Like A Stone I Saw Him Sinking
Is there no end to the man's impertinence? At the behest of the Electric
Man, alias Dee, our former be suited avaricious agent, Mr Porter is to
record a Spoken Word CD for limited release. As soon as he finds out what
exactly the term Spoken Word means, he'll get his act together and do
it, although we believe it's something to do with talking, and we have
heard that Henry Rollins does it, so it must be pretty cool. TDL says
he wants to make a proper job of it, and will be dredging up some hitherto
unpublished drivelling to go on it. Not having considered anything like
this before, TDL is determined to make the most of the project, so however
it turns out it won't be a tape of him simply reciting the lyrics to the
first Blyth album. You may scoff at the idea, oh ye of little faith, but
we're pretty excited about it, and think we can come up with something
good. All hail the Electric Man. May his Pokemon skills never diminish.
The Screw May Twist and the Rack May Turn and Men May Bleed and Men
May Burn
Or worse still, they may not be able to afford any more Airfix kits
unless you all buy lots of stuff from us. New to the order form on this
website are, of course, the Mad Dogs and Englishmen T-shirts, which we
have available in white or grey, but only in limited numbers (after the
Christmas rush of course) so get in there quick. The design features three
adorable schoolboys in top hats and goes for the usual eight quid. Crikey.
Isn't it about time we whacked up our prices?
The new CD, as mentioned earlier, will be available well in advance of
the next mailout, so we will be very happy to receive orders as from now.
The recording ends on March12th, and as all the artwork is ready, we would
expect to have them within ten days of that. Cheques to the usual address,
and we'll pack them up and get them out to you as soon as they arrive.
The artwork is eminently suited to a T-shirt design, in both black and
white, so these are now on the order form below. In the meantime our beloved
bassist has been ordered to work on the long-promised mouse mat design.
More news of this as and when his unstoppable round of partying allows
a window in his schedule.
He Has Shaken Off His Yoke How No Mortal Man Can Tell
(Courtesy of Our Late But Glorious Chairman Meow. Another awful Haiku.
He seems to have developed a taste for the things)
Life
goes on
But Mad Dogs and Englishmen
Like the dodo bird
Has gone