This is a Message For Persons Unknown
So welcome again to the sweet blessed joy of life that is the Blyth Power
mailout. Spring is here once more, and with it a lovely juicy great war,
which has sent TDL scuttling for his tube of Humbrol in an effort to assemble
enough plastic Tornado F3s to keep the evil ones out of North Yorkshire’s
hallowed airspace. At his great age it is not unnatural that reality and
fantasy should become confused, but living in Harrogate doesn’t
help. The Landover-owning Yorkshire terrier brigades have once again begun
panic buying, just in case Saddam’s navy manages to blockade the
Atlantic and cut off our food supplies. These are the same people who
are still stock-piling fuel, in case the People’s Lobby come crawling
out from under their stone for another round.
But ignorance is bliss, and we are not paid a huge retainer by Her Majesty’s
Government to foment rumour and to stir up the damned conchies. No. We
are employed by the state to dull the people’s senses into a mute
state of acceptance, the better to allow the fiends to perpetuate their
outrages, and bomb whoever they like without having a bunch of untidy
lesbians and glue-sniffers wave placards at them. Consequently, we are
proud to announce the new BONUS BOXES section of our caption competition,
which we are sure will dupe you all and anaesthetise you sufficiently.
Here’s how it works. Henceforth the quotes on the mailout index
page will enable you to score a fabulous bonus point. Simply guess which
obscure Blyth Power song they come from, and submit the answer along with
your guess for the caption competition, and you will have the satisfaction
of knowing that although you will not win a prize, you are a font of pointless
trivia. Well done.
Last months inane competition brought you the lyrics of The Clash, of
course. This time it’s a little harder…
Agents
In Motorcars Who Never Go Home
Biggest and best news, of course, is that Blyth Power are no longer in
the thrall of the Harrogate Van Hire companies. Not a moment too soon
either, as with the whole country on a war footing, it is only natural
that such businesses would have the decency to close down their operations,
in order to conserve fuel. ‘Is Your Journey Really Necessary?’
read the posters all over Harrogate in these dark times. ‘Occasionally,”
we reply…
What has happened, is that Lady Rutland and her noble kin have been so
good as to lend us a grey ex-BT Transit van until the end of November.
Armed with this magnificent machine, the band are bound for greater glory,
and are currently rejoicing in the vast avenues of train-spotting opportunities
that will be open to them now that Annie no longer has to get the wretched
things back to Harrogate before 7.30 in the morning to avoid an extra
day’s hire fee.
Best of all is the orange flashing light, which revolves at the push of
a button on the dashboard. Hours of fun for all the family. Sharp-eyed
Blyth watchers will have noticed the upturn in the band’s work schedule
that this tremendous bounty has resulted in. Now we can go everywhere,
and certain silly towns not seen on the giglist for years are suddenly
coming back into vogue. We would like to take this opportunity to thank
not only our worthy benefactress for enfranchising us thus, but also to
Gary for driving a bargain at the scrap yard and fitting the seats in
for us. Cheers.
Look out then, for the grey machine coming to a Blyth showroom near you.
Dates to watch out for in the near future are: Taunton, where the band
has not played since the epic Night Owls Disco fiasco; Seaton, where only
the strongest of siren temptations will lure TDL away from the delights
of the local tramway; and a re-match in Norwich with the Rev. Reid’s
New York Scumhaters.
Beer festivals are back on the agenda this year too, with Doncaster and
Southwick both being confirmed, and more possibly in the pipeline.
Be advised also, oh European geschwestern, Blyth Power return to the continental
mainland in October. Dates so far are confirmed in Geneva and Berlin,
with others in the process of being added by the Office Bound Uber-clots
at the European desk. Keep watching this space, or better still, get a
computer, then it will all become so much easier.
Total Exposure Total Abandon Total Exposure Total Control
As if all the ongoing Blyth activity was not enough, TDL is seriously
cutting into his sitting-back-and-watching-the B-52s-on-the-telly time
with a whole new pile of solo dates, featuring himself and a galaxy of
stars. Mr Porter has, apparently, had new strings put on his guitar by
a real guitarist, and is determined to get plenty of mileage out of them.
It all started with a plan to do a couple of dates with Mr Philip Jeays
and The Speechpainter. Then some were set up with Mr Attila the Stockbroker.
Then some more came in, and before we knew what was happening, he had
a tour, all to himself, through most of March. A proper tour, just like
you see listed on tiny ads in Folk Roots and the like. Mr Porter was thrilled
to bits at the idea of having a tour, and is already planning another.
The OBCs here are running round in circles trying to humour him, but it
is anticipated that once the bombs start dropping, he’ll be too
wrapped up in trying to spot aircraft serial numbers on the TV to bother
them any further.
In the meantime you can see him at a number of venues up and down the
country. Those of you who missed the dates with Phil Jeays and the Speechpainter
are advised that they missed a cracking good show. So good in fact that
we’re doing it again in September. Thanks to the chaps for coming
up. All the staff here in the typing pool have been driving each other
to distraction for the last week singing little snatches of songs, and
the office occasionally resounds to an involuntary moan of ‘Forgive
me Richenda’ and ‘Fuck you Phillip Jeays.’ Come along
next time, and you’ll find yourself doing it too.
But it’s not only tours that are keeping the aged one busy. There
has been recording too. Mr Porter was invited to submit a song to an anti-war
compilation CD, and with the kind and expert assistance of Mr Ryan Shirlow
he recorded Fall of Iron, and sent it off to Holland, in which non-belligerent
country the thing is being put together. Readers familiar with the song
from Joseph’s solo performances will be relieved to know that he
has dropped the chords L and Q from the arrangement, and it is now a bog-standard
A, D and E. Who needs any others? Most satisfying of all is the impenetratable
ambiguity of the lyric, which we defy anyone to interpret correctly. Probably
just as well.
Hot on the heels of this will be a short demo for promotional purposes
only. This will NOT be released – although usually we’ll sell
anything – but may be taken as a sign that Mr P. is finally taking
the acoustic stuff seriously enough to think of getting round to recording
the long-promised second official solo CD. Heard that one before too.
State Control And Rock And Roll Are Run By Clever Men
Time now for the latest updates on the re-recording of Guns of Castle
Cary. Let’s face it. The original was horrible, and we sold out
of it years ago, and the bloodsuckers who now own the copyright are asking
too much to reproduce them for us, even if we did want to pay them to
press up a load of copies of a dated collection of badly produced songs
that we can redo better, cheaper and with less fannying around (are we
allowed to say that?).
It’s going to have a new name, a new sleeve, and the latest news
on the track listing is that In the Wilderness will not now be included.
Thus we cannot be accused of putting on an unreleased track just to make
people buy it who already have the originals. Instead we’ll be putting
on a new recording of Alnwick & Tyne. ‘But what’s wrong
with the original of that?’ cry the outraged purists. Nothing, of
course, but the song is unavailable for the same reasons as Castle Cary,
and TDL has long since gone on record as saying he will choke on baby’s
vomit before he pays Cherry Red a bean to manufacture Blyth recordings.
Of course if anyone out there is so desperately fond of the original Castle
Cary recording that they cannot bear the thought of it being replaced,
they are at liberty to pay the current owners to manufacture them. I believe
the minimum run is 500, at around £5.25 per unit. Feel free…
Mandy Is Having A Baby And The Hunters Are Out In The Wood
Naturally you didn’t really need reminding of the dates for Tallington
did you? July 25th, 26th and 27th as you jolly well knew. What you didn’t
jolly well know is that the Virgin Trains in-flight magazine is running
a feature on the event, and we have provided a number of photographs to
illustrate it. Thus, travellers on the West Coast Main line, throughout
the summer, may well have some interesting images to digest along with
their overpriced roll and weak undrinkable greyish-yellow tea.
Rest assured that the usual galaxy of stars (you already used that once)
will be present. Music is set to run over three days, with acoustic acts
on the Friday, gothic-death-folk-punk-metal on the Saturday, and something
similar at lunchtime on the Sunday. Of course we mentioned all this last
time, and the stalls, but we just like to make sure you know when to book
your holidays.
A number of requests have been received for an appearance by Irie Jah
Glee and his mobile sound system, which was notably absent last year and
missed by many. Let’s hope he makes it this year. Remember –
get there on the Friday night, as all the best mail trains run in the
small hours of Saturday morning. You know you want to!
How Shall I Please You? Shall I Show You My Titties?
Pardon me vicar. How to console yourselves in dark times of war and famine?
Spend money on Blyth Power gubbins. Remember we have a fine range of consumer
goods available for a good therapeutic spend to take your minds of the
images of terror bombings and ethnic cleansing which vie with ‘Killer
Corrie’ to provide us nightly with entertainment. Thrill to the
spongy feel of a hard-topped mousemat. Rejoice in the hard-wearing fabrics
of our top-quality t-shirts, and join the ever-growing numbers of the
Blyth-conscious who have cast aside their shame and outed themselves with
one (or all three) of our fine enamel badges. Best of all is the NEW vinyl
offer. Three records for three pounds, available only at live shows. Two
12” singles and a 7” live EP can be yours for only £3!
How can you resist!
We are pleased to announce that stocks of Pont Au Dessus are now completely
exhausted. Paradise Razed cassettes are down to half a dozen, and we hope
to find ourselves running short of Goodbye To All That 12”s in the
near future – so get along to a show and grab them while you can.
Flesh And Blood Is What We Are Our Cover Is Blown
What do you mean? You still don’t have a computer? Those persistent
Luddites among you are reminded that the Blyth Power website is a massive
comprehensive swollen thing. It features stories, news updates, lies,
scandal, heaps of pictures, a database of all the gigs the band ever played,
lyrics to all Blyth songs, including those yet unreleased, and much more
besides. Basically, if you’re still getting the postal mailout,
but have internet access, then let us know, and we’ll switch you
to the e-mail database. If you don’t have Internet access, then
rest assured, the Blyth website is a good reason for getting it.
NOTE: Due to empathetic distress caused by the turmoil in
Clare Short’s conscience, Madame Chairman has felt unable to contribute
to this issue.
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