Lambert Simnel

Prince of greasy forks and spoons, we celebrate with folk song your sorry failure and lifelong sentence.

Lord Derby thought his tarot cards would never tell him lies
With a Yorkist Sunne in Splendour thought he'd backed the winning side
That was on the field at Bosworth back in 1485

There was Stanley there was Percy with a pricetag on his shield
Jackie Duke of Norfolk and Lincoln in the field
There was weeping Henry Tudor with his sinus and seals
And ships lined up from Dungeness to Dover

While the liar and the unicorn were fighting for the crown
King Richard in the middle and the centre giving ground
The Percys cast a sovereign up and lay their weapons down

I was born of an Oxford joiner there and only twelve years old
When the preacher took my measure ambition took me hold
And I met the Earl of Lincoln and the jeunne d'armes De La Pole

First they crowned me king in Dublin and we crossed the Irish sea
Lord Derby sought his tarot cards a vision for to see
Of one hundred thousand Furness men standing on the glebe
But he cut the pack and turned the fool's card over

When we failed to raise the commons we failed to raise the peers
Back we rode like madmen through the missiles and the jeers
With the sky as black with arrows as our boots were wet with fear

Both John le Pole and Lincoln bold were better men than me
To death they went impenitent and turning took their leave
Saying never make concessions to placate the enemy

While Henry Tudor licked his lips his lips he licked with glee
As I trembling knelt before him his mercy to receive
And when he sent me to his servant halls the closets for to clean
I gladly kissed his ring and called him master

Now Lord Derby and his tarot cards are scattered to the wind
The hanging men are laughing as the tide is coming in
And I'm a kitchen porter now instead of being King

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