Kater Murr

A paean to all the former members of every band ever. Don't you just loathe musicians?

The curtain's up today
On the cultural achievement of the age
A passionate display
Of some of the finest words and music ever made
The Refektorie Dome is proud to give the company a home
Their repertoire has grown
As their reputation everywhere has shown
So let their tragedy endure
Come give this polished piece of pathos your applause
Our Kappelmeister Murr
Provides the plot the stage direction and the score
And the overture

The Lord on high called angels nigh
Down to Hell He bade them go
And grant each soul one day's parole
To take them to see the show
Crying art is truth its beauty proof
Its purpose undeceived
To educate emancipate and wipe the record clean

But when the orchestra convened
They were sullen they were spiteful they were mean
There was sulkiness and spleen
As they gathered together in groups behind the scene
Said the pianist I rue credit's never given where it's due
I compose and I construe and I'm tired of being told what I should do
Said the fiddlers we perceive our input's not objectively received
While striving to achieve artistically we feel the need to breathe
And all agree

At last they came to breaking strain
They vowed they'd take no more
The Meister seized and to his knees they smote him one and all
Saying stand up slaves cast off your staves
Grind down hard upon your muse
Let every man take his tool in hand
And we'll show her what we can do

With the Meister then restrained
In a wickerwork property box beneath the stage
They cast the score away and then the fun began the band began to play
The fiddlers scraped and sighed
The man on the cello began to improvise
The chorus changed the lines and with no regard for rhythm or for rhyme
Sang out of time

How the Meister kicked and swore
As the horrible din began to shake the floor
And from the boxes and the stalls
All the audience began to quit the hall
There was no curtain call

The Lord on high looked down and cried
The saints were moved to tears
The angels all took cotton balls and tried to stop their ears
Then as a last resort a peace-keeping force
Came and gave the Angel Gabriel the key
And he came down with furies round and set the Meister free

Now he's bust the bars and locks
The cat's out of the box and he isn't pleased
He said to work let me see
Nobody messes or gets the better of me

He's bust the bars and locks
The cat's out of sorts and a little aggrieved
So let your bouncing be
The cat's out of the cupboard and coming for me

Faint heart never won anything
The kindest smile can fail
And the hand in need is the hand that bleeds
For the hand that rings the knell

Faint heart never cared anyway
Passionless and pale
And the hand that's limp is the hand that shrinks
While steady hands prevail

Faint heart never hurt anyone
Or so they understand
But it'll watch you drown as your ship goes down
And stoop to lend no hand

When the show was over the lights went down
The final curtain fell
The kapellmeister seized the reins
And drove the band to Hell

Intro./Verse B E F#
Intro./Chorus C#m B C#m E B C#m B C#m E F#
Ending B E C#m E F# B C#m E F#